Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I forgot wine drunk hurts
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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