And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
