you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
