who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
