I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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