I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You were trust falling into bushes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
