I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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