Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
