yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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