My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize