dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
