i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Come on in and take your pants off
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