i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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