I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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