You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
