I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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