i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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