I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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