Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize