Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
