On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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