walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
