my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So. Much. Porn.
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