I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
