She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I enjoy the company of your penis
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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