my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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