She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
