Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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