It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
