im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
