WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
