Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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