The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
