you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
