its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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