so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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