seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
