im having a threesome with these popsicles
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
