wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Send help, water and tortillas.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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