I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize