i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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