it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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