I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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