I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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