someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
