U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
