Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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