wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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