she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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