So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
