We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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