I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
