He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
