she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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