She's JV to your varsity
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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