just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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