Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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