Sponge bath it is.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
