I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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