haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
porn star boner night. come get it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
