Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
