We need to rekindle our bromance
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
