I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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