I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
