Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
