I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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