I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
