i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
