You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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