Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
