Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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