Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
