He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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