"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
