we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A bitchslap is in order.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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