I wish my penis had an off switch
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
