The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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