I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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