Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
