Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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