She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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