Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
