Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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