I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
