just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
