This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
