the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
