if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
