Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize