Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
