i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my being single is dangerous.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we should paint friendship bongs
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
