physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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