she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
