i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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