I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
