Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
