I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize