I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
