Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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