Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
